Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
