i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
