puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I have tasted many bathrooms
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
