It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
