I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
