I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
