May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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