He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
