I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
