I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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