I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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