He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize