omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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