Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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