wat bout pragnant strippers??
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
