I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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