thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
