Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
