Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
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I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
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I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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