take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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