Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
