i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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