I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
