Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
