I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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