I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
