I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
