I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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