I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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