don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
