I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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