Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
