I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
