my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
