nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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