I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Randomize
