what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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