we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
