found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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