So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
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I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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