they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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