Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
