Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
