Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi