can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
