i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
