Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
