so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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