Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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