Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
