My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
