Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
