So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
