I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
These tits shall not be calmed
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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