You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
