waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
