oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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