eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
