Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
