So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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