I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
