the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
