I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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